Monday, October 19, 2009


Self-esteem can be an elusive thing. It seems that one day you have it and the next you don’t. In reality the loss of one’s self-esteem is a slow process and it is hard to pin point an exact cause. I write this because I am currently struggling with my own self-esteem.

I know that I have a lot of good qualities. I am a good mother, a good daughter, a good sister, a good friend, a good employee. I am talented and smart. So why is knowing these things not good enough?

Maybe my answer is simplistic but being single in a sea of couples is part of why I think I don’t measure up. It is a lame answer, I know. I also know that unless I find a way to be happy with who I am now, I won’t be happy with who I am IF I ever become part of that elusive couple.

I am trying to make more of an effort to put myself together every day. Working from home 90% of the time has made me lazy. I also plan to try to get into the office more than once a week, just to get out of the house. I am exercising more and eating less. Maybe being proactive instead of reactive will help.

How do you feel good about yourself when you feel like something is missing in your life? When you feel like you don’t measure up? What is the secret?

Thursday, October 15, 2009

Total Randomness

What is it with people who bring their laptops to school programs and play/work on them the entire time? No, I am not talking about the ex-husband, he put his away when the program started. I am refering to the creepyish guy in front of me who had his laptop open during the entire "Fall Sing" program at the Junior High. Not only was the laptop annoying but the constant getting up and down to take care of his umpteen million kids with laptop in hand was uber annoying.
I generally like couples who act as though they actually like each other. You know, holding hands in public, putting their arms around their wife while sitting in church that sort of thing. But have you ever noticed that some couples give you the heebie jeebies? I saw a couple like this the other day. Maybe it was because they guy looked like he should be on the "sex offender" registry and his wife looked like wife number one in a polygamist relationship but the simple act of him rubbing her back made me want to hurl. Am I just strange that way?
Does anyone else read their teenager's text messages? I don't read all of them but when his phone keeps beeping and he isn't home, I will look so that I can shut the thing up. He knows I do this. He also knows that I have all of his passwords and if I chose to, will read all of his e-mail. So far I have not done this one. It is not that I don't trust him. I don't trust other kids. I've basically told him he will not have complete privacy until he is legally an adult and I can no longer be held accountable for what he does.

Sunday, October 11, 2009

"Is it finished yet?"

A couple of years ago I made afghans for my sisters and sisters-in-law birthday's. My niece, Alexis, fell in love with one I made for my sister, Melanie and wanted me to make one just like it for her. I took little Lexie to Wal-mart and let her pick out the yarn she wanted then quickly forgot about it. Oops! This year for her birthday I finally finished her blanket, however, I forgot to take a picture.

I decided I couldn't make one for Alexis without making one for my other nieces as well. This year all of the nieces will get an afghan for their birthday. Quickly after finishing up Lexie's, I started on one for her step-sister Chauncia. (They both had a birthday in September) Hers was quite a bit simpler than Lexie's. I couldn't find a pattern that interested me so I created a very simple design inspired by an extremely old afghan I have that once belonged to my Grandma.

I love to crochet and give my creations as gifts. Earlier this year a couple I know had a baby boy. They decorated the baby's room in camouflage so I chose a camo colored variegated yarn for this basket weave pattern blanket. It was a big hit. I think his dad uses it more than he does.

My current crochet project is a Christmas present for my mom, then onto another afghan for a niece's birthday. Out of seventeen nieces and nephews, I sure am glad there are only five girls.