Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Rambling about the single life...

I have a confession to make:  I really don't like the single life but what I like even less than being single is dating.  So how am I supposed to get out of the single life without dating?  If I ever figure out the magical formula, I will let you know.  Not that most of you need it.

Problems with whole dating/single life thing are:
Age. The older I get, the more set in my ways I become.  Same goes for the men I know. 
Experience.  The more experience I have with dating and relationships the less I trust men. 
Love.  I am afraid to fall in love OR admit that I feel love for a man.

So unless I get over some of these, then I am destined for the single life.  In a world of couple's, the prospect is pretty depressing.  Maybe it is a case of the grass is always greener but remember I have been on the other side of the fence.  I know it is not always greener.  I know it takes work but I am older and I think I could handle it better the next time around.  Better yet, I know what I want in a relationship. 

IF I have another chance at coupledom, I want a partnership.  I dislike it when I hear a man or woman say they LET their husband or wife do something.  For example, "I let my wife go shopping with her sister today" or "I let my husband go play poker with his buddies."  I wouldn't want my partner to feel as though he needs to ask my permission to do something.  I wouldn't want him to leave me in the dark either but you don't own another person.  Decisions should be discussed of course but someone shouldn't have to ask permission.  I also want someone who has a life that doesn't revolve around me.  He needs to have hobbies, friends, something that gets him out of the house now and then because after being single for 12 years I don't know that I could have someone around ALL OF THE TIME. 

Maybe I am hopeless.  Perhaps my ideas on relationships aren't realistic.  But maybe I will get lucky and find someone, somewhere who thinks the same.  If not then I had better get used to the single life.


Sorta Southern Single Mom said...

Oh My! I *hear* you...I didn't like dating when I was 17, I certainly don't want to do it NOW, but I also don't want to be single forever...dilemma dilemma dilemma

just call me jo said...

I sucked at dating in every stage--teens(had none), twenties--(married and divorced/should have known better)--thirties (finally stumbled into a friendship that turned into a dandy marriage). But I just happened upon it when I wasn't really looking. I think when some decent guy comes along you won't really date, you'll just spend time together and it gradually works into something more permanent naturally. I hope you find someone nice. It can happen, but there are few of them out there. I married someone 7 years younger the second time. (first time he was 16 years older) So don't let age be too limiting. Oh, listen to me like I know anything. Best wishes for you, sweet friend.

M-Cat said...

Okay, now I am on a mission to find you a good man!

Cynthia said...

She deserves a good man. Your requests/desires are not unreasonable at all. In fact, you'll likely meet someone whose list of 'musts' includes "Not needy and clingy"- MOST men want that so the fact that you're independent is a plus. Any man worth having will want a woman who is his equal- or just a tad bit better, LOL! The right guy will step into the picture. He may already be around, you just haven't had the eyes to see it yet.

B said...

I hear you Amy! I worry about some of the same stuff. I don't think you're hopeless or unrealistic at all. I just hope that those same reservations that I have can be successfully managed so I don't miss out on the blessings of being in a relationship.

I think what's important is that you sound like you know what the relationship will need to look like for you. You're not just in a relationship to not be alone. I like that you're strong and smart like that. And I think great things are in store for you when the right one does come along!