Wednesday, September 8, 2010

When you realize you're the problem...

I have done A LOT of thinking the last few days and have realized that I am the problem.  As a single gal I feel as though I am missing out on the joys of coupledom.  Specifically having a partner to share the day to day of life.  I haven't been in a relationship in almost 5 years.  That seems like a very, very long time.

But this post isn't really about my non-existent romantic life.  It is about me.  Yes, ME!  The question I have been pondering is: What do I want? It is a question that I can't answer with certainty.  If I can't tell myself what I want, how can I expect to have a relationship with anyone and get what I want or need out of it. 

So the problem isn't that I am single.  The problem is that I need to figure me out.  I need to decide what I want and then go after it. Until, I figure that out it is probably for the best that I don't drag some poor schmuck through the mess that is my head. 

Not only do I need to figure out what I want, I need to start seeing myself as the amazing person that I am and love me. Again, if I can't figure out how to do that, how can I expect it of someone else. 

Right now I am kind of hyped up on all of this.  Feeling positive. I know that I am going slide down back into some negativity but hopefully I can work through it and get to know and love me.


Single and Sane said...

Wise words. I have a friend who says it's not about finding the right person, it's about being the right person. It's really both, but it starts with you.

just call me jo said...

Let's hear it for thinking positively. I wish I had some pointers for you, but I'm still working on it myself. I like you just the way you are. But here's to a more spritely you.

Cynthia said...

When we're a Mom, single or not, we tend to pour all of ourselves into others. We feel guilty for thinking about that 'question that must not be asked'- "What do *I* want". So, good for you for getting there! It is so empowering to realize that you CAN control some things and seizing that control builds confidence which is a boon whether you meet a potential mate or not. I am still in the 'seizing' phase myself but I am trying.