Lately my son and I seem to be butting heads on a daily basis. I know a lot of it stems from his becoming a man and mom still wanting to be a mommy. It is hard to cut the apron strings especially when no one else is tied to them.
This evening my son came up to me in the kitchen looking very serious and said he had a few things he wanted to talk to me about. I was a little concerned.
He went on to tell me that in his Adult Roles and Responsibilities class they were discussing communication and he felt that he and I needed to "communicate" about a few things.
Very calmly, he asked that I not interrupt him while he told me about his concerns about our relationship. Primarily the way I "mother" him to death. At least that was my interpretation, not his actual words.
I was a little stunned. A little offended. A little proud that he took the initiative to tell me what he was feeling. When I could speak again, I came back with what I think were some pretty sound responses.
After addressing his concerns, I went on to tell him about a few things that are bothering me. Basically his lack of initiative in looking for a job and a few other activities involving school. When I mention he put in an application somewhere it is like WW3 is about to erupt in the living room.
I am not sure he liked what I had to say but if he wanted us to be honest with each other, I was going to be honest.
And honestly the whole thing has me questioning my parenting skills or lack thereof. Whether or not I do more harm than good. It is all so confusing. I know there are no perfect parents, just parents trying to raise their kids the best they can.
I know my apron stings are a little tight and I need to loosen them up, after all he will be 18 in September - I think my heart skipped a few beats at the reminder. Any suggestions on letting go and dealing with growing pains?
BTW - apparently he is planning on having a similar chat with his father. Quite frankly, I am a little concerned about the fall out.
3 comments:
If he doesn't want to be overly mothered, then he has to show that he doesn't need it. Does he do his own laundry? Make his own money? Make a meal now and then? Those are the kinds of things that let a mom know she can back off, that there's one (or more!) less things on her figurative plate.
I was a single mother until the boy was 17. I feel for you. :-)
Pearl
My daughter is 31 and is still telling me that my "excellent" parenting skills were often misguided. Whatever! It's hard being a mom and being a son or daughter too. I have no answers. I will pray for you. I think just living in general is difficult. He's lucky to have a mom who cares.
Corb and I actually talked about this the last time we out for a visit, and while he was respectful and I was honest is wanting to know what he learned from us and will do differently, it still hurt the tiniest bit.
In hindsight, you do the best you can and no matter what, as long as the relationship is intact - the rest doesn't matter. Corb and I used to have some serious knock down drag outs and yet here we are, best friends. Hang in there friend. Just love him, love him, love him and let him be.
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