This year I have been working on “Project Me”. The objective of Project Me is to bring joy, hope, love, and self confidence back into my life. And it all starts with ME. It is a project I can’t map out with time-lines and due dates which makes it harder to realize the milestones and see the successes. There a roadblock to the project and ironically it is me. I am my own worst enemy in trying to find the better me within. Negative self-talk and doubt all work to clutter my mind and cast out the positive. It is constant and tiresome war but there are some battles where the good me is making some headway.
Last night I remembered that “Project Me” isn’t a solo project. I need supportive friends and family to help me win the battles. Needing to reach out to someone, I called my friend, Andrea. Even though it was late – almost 11 – she and I spoke for over an hour. She asked about my weight loss and I responded that it wasn’t where I wanted to be but that I had lost a few pounds. The loving person she is reminded me that any success large or small is a success and should not be followed up with “it is not good enough”. As I was lamenting over a particular jack-wagon who has decided not to return my phone calls and treat me like I don’t exist, she kindly reminded me that it is not my fault if he chooses to be that way. I should not take blame and allow him to make feel like less of a person. Can you see why I called her? It is support like this that will help Project Me succeed.
Another hurdle in the Project is boredom. I am just plain bored and with boredom comes self-doubt and with self-doubt comes every other negative thought. I’ve been trying to battle the boredom by reading, blogging, and finding random things to do around the house but it isn’t quite enough. Eventually, I need to find something I am passionate about where I can use up my bored energy.
I have a list of things I want to do and goals I want to achieve that I need to dust off and organize into a workable list yet something holds me back. I think it is fear of failure. Maybe after I write this, I will pull it out and try to put the fear aside.
I know my posts lately tend to lean toward the more depressed side and I am trying not to bring anyone down. But I find this to be a good outlet to express these thoughts and put my words into action. Hopefully, there will be more posts about the progress and success of “Project Me.”