Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Heavy Thinking

Watching Biggest Loser tonight had me in tears.  I carefully hid those tears as I had company watching with me but there were tears.  It was makeover week and the five contestants got all fancified and then saw their spouses/significant others.  So it was a little emotional but that wasn't what brought the tears.  No, it was the thought that I don't have that significant other to share my accomplishments.  I don't have a partner supporting me through the struggles in life.  I normally don't dwell on my single status, "It is what it is", but there are days when alone can get really lonely.

On the flip side, I don't know if I am ready for a relationship.  I have been alone for so long that I don't know how I would fit someone else into my little world.  I suppose when the person is right, the pieces will fit.   At least that is what I tell myself.

Back to The Biggest Loser, it is at this point in the season where I start to feel really fat.  I look at the ladies getting closer to my own weight and I start thinking, "Do I look like that?" I don't mean that in a rude way but honestly, I teeter-totter between the 190's and 200.  Yes. I just announced my weight. And while I think these ladies look fabulous and I am so happy for their success, I look at every detail and it is a wake up call to me that I really need to work on myself.  Then I hit the fridge because for some reason this show make me want to eat. 

What I need is to have a plan.  Something concrete to help me lose my weight.  To help me feel better about me.  A long time ago, I posted about "Project Me".  PM got lost in the chaos of the last six months.  I need to get back to that.  Get back to making myself a priority.  Hopefully I can make myself get there sooner rather than later. 

Tonight, I will start by going to bed with the plan to take the dog for a long walk in the morning.


just call me jo said...

Oh, sweet friend. You know I'm with you on the weight thing. I wish I didn't base my happiness on my weight. All we can do is try every day, pick ourselves up, brush ourselves off, and start all over again... I can't watch "Biggest Loser" much any more because I get so discouraged with myself. I know how you feel about relationships. I was alone for about 12 years and it was hard some times, especially around holidays. I wish there was something I could do besides send virtual hugs and good thoughts... Keep moving and make those bad thoughts run to catch you! (I need to take that advice too.) You know I'm thinking of you.

ain't for city gals said...

Hi..I came over from JO's...my best advice is start walking. start jogging ..start doing little 3 mile races...it is so fun! and solves so many of the little problems we put on ourselves! I completely made myself over 13 years ago...fell off the wagon a little..got back on track and feel wonderful about everything!..Life is too short to be unhappy!

mCat said...

Sometimes heavy thinking can be hard, but also very productive. I started watching last nights episode and planned on finishing it at my friends house where Dave and I spent the night keeping an eye on our friend. We ended up talking and I missed it. I love make over week. I think it inspires the contestants to keep going with their major life changes!
And don't beat yourself up - it doesn't do any good but leave bruises. You'll get where you want to be, I know it

It's Always Something Around Here said...

Try not to beat yourself up. Just get back on the exercise wagon and it will help you feel better!

Thanks for visiting my blog!

Sorta Southern Single Mom said...

You know I can relate to the beginning of your post... as I just posted many of the same thoughts...

As to the end, I've lost 20 pounds this year and it feels good, but it was a SLOW process... and I realized through it all that while I was focused on a number, it was really more about being healthy. Good luck with your plan, my friend!