Watching Biggest Loser tonight had me in tears. I carefully hid those tears as I had company watching with me but there were tears. It was makeover week and the five contestants got all fancified and then saw their spouses/significant others. So it was a little emotional but that wasn't what brought the tears. No, it was the thought that I don't have that significant other to share my accomplishments. I don't have a partner supporting me through the struggles in life. I normally don't dwell on my single status, "It is what it is", but there are days when alone can get really lonely.
On the flip side, I don't know if I am ready for a relationship. I have been alone for so long that I don't know how I would fit someone else into my little world. I suppose when the person is right, the pieces will fit. At least that is what I tell myself.
Back to The Biggest Loser, it is at this point in the season where I start to feel really fat. I look at the ladies getting closer to my own weight and I start thinking, "Do I look like that?" I don't mean that in a rude way but honestly, I teeter-totter between the 190's and 200. Yes. I just announced my weight. And while I think these ladies look fabulous and I am so happy for their success, I look at every detail and it is a wake up call to me that I really need to work on myself. Then I hit the fridge because for some reason this show make me want to eat.
What I need is to have a plan. Something concrete to help me lose my weight. To help me feel better about me. A long time ago, I posted about "Project Me". PM got lost in the chaos of the last six months. I need to get back to that. Get back to making myself a priority. Hopefully I can make myself get there sooner rather than later.
Tonight, I will start by going to bed with the plan to take the dog for a long walk in the morning.