Monday, May 30, 2011
When something changes at work, I roll with it. I may not be 100% on board but oh well. I make the best of it and get by. But in my personal life I am less likely to do that. I am not sure why. Maybe it has to do with how much control I have over the change. At work I have little control. The bosses say there is going to be a change and it happens. In my personal life, I am the majority stakeholder and therefore have say in almost all of the changes going on around me. So why is it so hard for me to get on board with changes that I play a vital role in instigating?
My move to my Grandma’s house, while it is a good thing for her and in the long run for me, is causing me a lot of anxiety and doubt that I am doing the right thing. I am 98% sure my anxiety and doubt are just part of the whole moving process. I really dislike moving. And I am 98% sure that once I am fully moved out of my house and all of my belonging are safely tucked away in a secure and clean storage facility a lot of my worries will become tucked away as well.
My son - bless his heart - is totally cool with everything.
“Are you okay with moving to Grandma’s house?” I ask.
“Sure. Why not? It’s not forever.” He says with a shrug and goes about his business.
Really?!?! How can he be so calm about moving? He is a teenager!!! Why is Mom such a basket case and the teenager is the rock? Does this feel like an alternate universe to you as well?
Taking a calming deep breath…
To be clear, I really do not have a problem with moving in with Grandma. She shouldn’t be left alone for long periods of time and I am the logical person to stay with her for a few months. I work from home so I will be here almost all the time. My lease was about to expire. It all fits.
I spoke with a friend today who told me my feelings about the move had more to do with losing my privacy than anything else. In a way she makes sense. I haven’t lived with anyone but my son in probably 10 years. Except for the few months about 6 years ago while I was building a house.
Having her say that puts it into perspective. And I realize it’s not just me giving up my privacy and space. It is a big change for my Grandma also. Since her mini-stroke in January, she has lost almost all of her privacy. Someone is with her or around her almost all the time. How hard would that be?
I still dislike change. I will still stress and be anxious and basket case for a week or so but I think I will be okay. I just need to get moved. Get into a routine. Breath deeply. And all will be okay. I think.