Snow

Snow is falling outside, Christmas lights are twinkling on the tree, and stew is simmering on the stove. 

 My feet are snug in warm new slippers and propped up on the ottoman. I am watching whatever happens to come on the TV channel I am tuned into and ignoring the dirty foot prints that mar the hardwood floor.

There is work to be done but my sofa is comfortable and the blanket my son gave me for my birthday is keeping me snug and warm.

I am trying not to think about the future and the changes coming to my little household in 2013. 

I am trying to "just be". 

I will worry about housework, the future, and life a little later. 

For now I will  just sit and enjoy the snow falling outside my window.

A Little Random...

1. Has this happened to you? You wake up in the morning with a great idea that you carry through your shower and while getting ready for the day you build up a gung ho attitude to get it done.  You're going to kick some butt with this idea.  Then you sit down to put your shoes on, contemplate the steps needed to run with your idea, and think, "Nah. I'd rather take a nap or read a book."  It happened to me this morning.
2. I like the idea of a flat tax and getting rid of most of the IRS.  Yet while I was setting up my payment program with the man from the IRS this morning to pay a small amount of taxes from 2011, I felt bad because my idea would cause him to lose his job. 
3. Tonight and tomorrow I am taking part in High School Homecoming activities.  Something I haven't done in 20 years.  Go Lions!! Yay, Class of 93!  We are in the Homecoming parade and in charge of the Homecoming assembly.
4. My son has signed up with a talent agency and had head shots taken on Sunday.  At $450 for pictures, I sure hope he gets at least one or two jobs to pay for them.  The photographer showed me some of them and I must say that my son is one good looking kid.  Err, man, I guess.
5. Said son will be 18 in 11 days.
6. Senior picture proofs came back.  Great shots.  Cheapest package is about $239 bucks.  Sorry Charlie. Not doing it.  Will probably call my cousin to take some pictures to commemorate the Senior year.
7. Maybe it is just me but it seems that certain politicians still think the only issues women care about are getting free birth-control pills and the right to an abortion.  In my humble opinion, real women care more about the economic future of our country, jobs, education, and basically the same things men care about.  Women are a lot smarter than we get credit for.
8. The upcoming elections are giving me anxiety.
9. I watch too many news programs,
10. I need to read a book.

Why do they have to be so mean?

My nephew, who has always loved school, started 6th grade yesterday.   Instead of having a great first day, he broke down last night about how mean the kids were.   All of his friend ignored him.  He was teased for wearing his cowboy boots.  Boots he saved his money to buy and loves.  And this in a town surrounded by farms, and where the major summer event is the rodeo and county fair.  He was told he was weird. This is a big deal for a kid, especially on the first day of school.

My heart aches for this boy who is such a loving kid.  He would never say or do anything to hurt another person.  I try not to have favorites but something about him reaches out to me more so than some of my other nephews. 

This boy loves animals.  He studies them and wants to have a farm when he grows up.  When CAL Ranch or IFA start selling chicks each year, he begs to go to the store to watch and hold the small birds.  For years he has wanted a Russian Tortoise.  Like good parents, my brother and his wife waited to awhile to see if his interest in the Russian Tortoise would wane.  It hasn't.  In preparation for getting a tortoise, he researched their habits, diet, and habitat needs.  This summer he finally received his Russian Tortoise, "Otis".  His mom is growing dandelions in her windowsills to feed Otis and my nephew can tell you everything you ever wanted to know and more about his tortoise. 

Everything about this kid screams kindness and goodness so I don't understand why kids have to be so mean.  I pray that he finds a couple of good friends who can accept and appreciate everything good about him.  And I pray that kids all over can learn to be kinder to each other. 

Vintage Pyrex

I have developed a love for vintage Pyrex.  Looks like it is time to start combing thrift stores and the internet to begin my collection.  I don't have even one piece of the old stuff.  I need to fix this.  I particularly love these snowflake patterns. I may be buying one of these soon.

    Images from www.kaboodle.com.

Motivation, where are you hiding?

I have misplaced my motivation.  It was easy to find at the beginning of the summer.   I was going to water-aerobics each morning.  I felt great.  Then work interferred and I started having 7 am meetings.  My classes started at 7 am.  When the meetings started my motivation went into hiding.  I haven't been able to find it again.

My mom is losing weight.  My cousin has posted some great weight loss on Facebook.  My son is exercising every night.  The more people I see successfully doing something I am not should bring back my motivation.  Right?  Wrong.  My motivation has been even harder to find. 

I keep waiting for THE MOMENT or THE THING that will get me moving and feeling better.  It is elusive.  I know, I need to do it for myself.  But negativity is a terrible things and I think, "Will doing this really change my life, change me, make me a different person?" The answer comes back as "No!'.  Really?  That's not fair.  It should make me feel better and isn't that what I need?  I know it is.  I need to feel better.  I'm just not motivated.

I'll keep looking. Maybe I will find it.

Bears....Oh my!

Friday afternoon after unpacking all of our camping gear and setting up the tents, Mr. Forest Ranger stopped by.

FR: Did you get the phone call?
Me: What call?
FR: There was a bear spotted in the area last week and we have been calling to let people know. 
Me: Oh...
FR: It is your choice to stay here but we have to warn you.  I don't think he is still in the area.  But he was in the camp across the road last weekend.  Do you want to move?
Me: (Looking around.  Talking to dad.  Thinking about the odds that the bear is still around) We'll stay.
FR: Okay.  I really think it has left the area.  You should be fine.

Mom:  I am scared to death of bears.
Me: (Hands mom my pepper spray) Keep this with you if you want.
Mom: I don't think I would be able to use it.  I would be too scared.
Me:  Don't worry.  You have the pepper spray and Dad and I have our guns.  You'll be okay.
Mom: Whatever. 

There were no  bears....at least not last weekend...that we saw anyway.

The Benefits....

I have been renting apartments or houses for most of my adult life - minus the couple of years of home-ownership that did not work out as planned.  I tend to beat myself up over the fact that I rent rather than own.  I beat myself up over quite a few things so this obviously is not new.  Lately, instead of beating myself up, I have started to realize a benefit of renting that I hadn't thought of before. 

I get to experiment with different floor-plans, fixtures, flooring, appliances and so on without the commitment of a mortgage.  Over the years, I have figured out what I like and don't like, what I want in a home and what I would prefer to live without.  Here are a few things that I have figured out.

1- Hardwood floors  are not a good idea for people with feet problems.  Especially people who like to take their shoes off as soon as they walk in the door.  My entire main floor is hardwood. 

2- Black granite counter tops never seem to look clean - even after a good scrubbing.  Especially in the areas around the faucets.

3- Black appliances always look like they need to be cleaned - even after a good scrubbing.

4- I love having a double oven.

5 - I do not like smooth-top ranges.  Of course, it could be that mine is black.

6 - I do not like side-by-side refrigerators.  I feel like I don't have enough space.

7 - Not a fan of the open-plan concept. At least not the one I have.  Makes arranging furniture a little difficult.

8 - A window in my bathroom is a must.

9- Three bedrooms is must.  One for me, one for my son (or guest when the boy moves out), and one to use as an office.  My office is currently a corner of my living room.  I work at home so this is not ideal.

10 - A garage is not just for parking cars.  I need the space for my projects.  I miss having a garage.

I could go on but I will leave it there.  As you can see the benefit of renting is in finding out what I want when I buy a home.  And that is how I am going to look at until it is time to get my own place.

I did it!!!

I went to the hospital to visit JP.  I stopped at the florist looking for a "guy" type of thing and came out with an old-fashioned honey jar with a fake daisy type flower in it, but had the florist add a couple gerbera daisies in bright red and orange and some greenery.  It is so dang cut and not too girly.  I wish I had taken a picture.  He liked the flowers and the juice I brought him.  I had called before hand to see if he needed anything.  "Juice" was all he said, so I picked up a few different flavors for him.  But I think he like the company the most.  I didn't stay too long cause he needs to get some rest but will go back tomorrow.  I didn't need to overthink it at all, I just needed to DO. 

Too Sensitive?

I am too sensitive.  I take things to heart that may or may not mean anything at all.  And when it comes to my self-image and how other people view me, I always think in the most negative way.  Motives are always questioned and nothing is as easy as I would like it to be.  I think too much.

Today I received a phone call from my male friend, JP.  We aren't dating, we are friends or something like that.  It is complicated.  It shouldn't be but it is.  Back to the phone call - JP sounded terrible.  He is in the hospital. His colon is inf lammed and he is in excruciating pain.  He called because I sent him a text yesterday that he didn't respond to.  He has been in the hospital since yesterday afternoon and he didn't call until this afternoon.  What does that say?  What does it say about me that I am concerned about why he didn't call sooner?  Don't get me wrong, I am very worried about him.  He has been having problem with his colon since last November and they - the medical community - have done nothing but tell him to watch his diet.  I am hoping that finally someone in the medical community can figure out what is wrong and actually help him. 

Back to my craziness - As the conversation continued - worry on my side and drug-induced rambling and grunts of pain on his - I asked if he wanted visitors.  I can't just come right out and say, "Want me to come sit with you for a bit", that would be too easy.  He didn't say "No", he just went on about the staff bugging him every time he starts to fall asleep and that his parents and daughter have been there.  I took it to mean that I he didn't want me to visit.  Too sensitive?  Too much "me me me"?  I told him I wouldn't come by since it sounded like he needed his rest. 

So I have spent too much time this evening worrying about him and then wondering if I should visit him tomorrow and wondering if it means something that he didn't call me until today.  Crazy much?

I have just about decided to visit tomorrow.  I will make up my mind in the morning but now there are more doubts.  What if he really doesn't want me there?  What if his family is there and what would they think about me visiting?  I know his daughter but I haven't officially met his parents.  But what if I don't go?  If I ignore everything else, what does it say about me  as his friend if I don't stop by? 

This is not an unusual train of thought.  I go through this with almost everything.  I wonder if I am wanted or needed or if people will think I am completely out of place. 

How do I stop the madness?  And how to I learn to become a little less sensitive?  I don't know the answer but I really want to find it.  I NEED to find it.  Until then, I am not really living, I am obsessing.   

The best medicine....

Laughter is truly the best medicine.  After a night of not sleeping, I opted to take the day off and go to the movie with my son.  

I have to say that Tyler Perry is one sexy man.  And hilarious as Madea. I laughed and laughed.  I needed the laugh. 

I feel better for having laughed so much. 

Senseless...

Every day on the news I hear about someone being murdered.  Shot or stabbed senselessly.  Until today, I didn't think something like this would touch my family or those close us.  Today is a reminder that this can happen to anyone. 

My dad called me shortly after 10 am this morning to tell me that a family friend had been murdered early this morning.  KC was having a party at his house when an underage teenager came over.  KC told the kid to leave.  The kid threatened to kill everyone and came back with his cousin.  The cousin stabbed KC twice.   He died at the hospital.  Both the teenager and his cousin are in custody tonight.

KC's dad and my dad have been friends since they were boys.  Both of our families lived in the same town and spent a lot of time together when we were kids.  Although it has been a few years since I have seen KC, I have spent a lot of this day in tears.  Tears have fallen for the tragic loss of life, for the senseless heartbreak to this family, and for the grief on my dad's face.

I can usually make my dad smile and laugh.  Today my attempts resulted in a half-hearted smile.  He feels like he has lost one of his own children and he is worried for his friend who struggled through the loss of his wife several years ago and now must deal with the loss of his youngest son. 

It is hard for me to put into words how I feel.  It is a different feeling than what I felt when I lost a friend in a car accident or a loved one from an illness.  I suppose it is because this seems so calculated, so personal, so senseless. 

Tonight my prayers will be for KC and his family.  I'd like to believe he didn't suffer.  I want to believe that his mom was there holding him and helping him through the pain.  I know she greeted him in heaven with a hug so big and warm and full of love. 

Rest in peace, KC.  I pray that your spirit is at peace and your family find some sort of peace and comfort at this time.

Catching Up!

I am spending the day recovering from what felt like a truly crazy week.  Watching the NASCAR race, doing laundry, and as little of everything else as possible.

***

Last Saturday I made a trip to Wasatch Running where mcat helped me find a great pair of shoes.  I am not a runner but with all of the pain in my right heel I need something that I can walk in that won't aggravate the pain.  So far, I have not had any pain when I where the new shoes.  They are pretty too!

Afterward, my son and I visited the new City Creek Center in Salt Lake.  It is a pretty cool mall but not somewhere I  feel I need to visit often.  Plus it is quite a drive from where I live. 



View of Salt Lake Temple from City Creek.



 ***

Work has been a little busier than usual.  Trust me, I am not complaining about this.  I need to keep busy with work.  I am constantly worrying about getting laid-off.  I know it is nothing I can control but the reminder is always there.  Whether it is a comment being made in a meeting or a client who decides to take more of their business in house.  I know a lot of people in every industry feels similar stress.  It is hard to give your all when you are worried that it doesn't matter.  To add to the stress, I have been with this company for 13 years.  There is not a lot of need for the type of work I do.  I am the bread winner of the family and if I lose my job, I could lose everything.  Going back to school is not an option right now.  Been there, done that.  Have two worthless diploma's and tons of college debt.

***

I started water aerobics last Monday. Got up at 5:30 am on Monday and Tuesday for class at 6.  The rest of the week didn't go so well.  But this is a new week and hopefully, I can get in a few more days.  I love the exercise and water in the morning.  Makes me wish I had a pool of my own.  The public pool is only a block away, the cost is minimal, and it is fun.

***

My niece had a dance recital on Thursday evening.  She is beautiful.  I wish I had taken a picture of here before her dance.  We had plenty of time. There were over 40 dance numbers and hers was the last one.  By the time those girls were able to perform they were so tired and bored, that you could tell they didn't care and just wanted to get it over with. 

I have been in and watched a lot of dance recitals, plays, and other performances, and this one was the worst planned and executed performance I have attended.  I felt bad for the girls and parents.  The recital was scheduled to start at 5 but the audience was too large for the auditorium.  They asked families with girls dancing in the last half of the recital to give up their seats to those who were dancing earlier.  We spent the first hour and a half in the lobby waiting for seats. It really should have been split into two nights.  Despite the delays and annoyance, I am glad I went to support Sissy. Did I mention she is beautiful?  I like to think she gets it from her Aunt.

***

Pounding on my door and ringing of the doorbell  interrupted the Thursday night quiet at my house.  My son's friend had run away and another friend came over to tell him and ask if he had heard anything.  All I know right now is that she left the house of another friend, got into a silver car with two other people and left.  Thankfully, she was found on Saturday.  I am happy that she was found.  I am super annoyed that she put her parents through the worry. 

In an odd twist, at the time we found out she was missing, I was reading a book where a 17 year old girl had runaway with her 18 year old boyfriend.   

***

The fickle Utah weather continues.  Wind all day yesterday.  Ever try casting a line on the lake in the wind?  Not fun.  Watching a parade in the wind? Not fun.  I am cool with any other type of weather but I really DO NOT LIKE wind!

***

A final note (that I know only Jo might appreciate), NASCAR season coverage is split between FOX Sports and TNT.  Today is the first race of the season covered by TNT.  They are not as good as FOX.  It takes getting used to plus they keep putting Twitter Tweets up on the screen.  In some instances it covers the view of the race.  It stinks.  I am tired of networks thinking they need to post twitter feeds during their shows.  In my opinion, it takes away from the viewing experience. 

On the upside the driver I picked for this week is doing great.  If he keeps it up, I will regain my point lead - I am one point behind.  If I am the leader in points at the end of the season, the winner gets $130.  So far, so good.  I love being in the lead!  

Update - between writing this and getting ready to hit publish my driver has lost a lot of places.  He broke a valve and lost a cylinder.  This is not good.  Ugh!!!

Fickle Weather

I love living in Utah.  There is so much to do.  The scenery is beautiful.  The weather is fickle. 

Example: Memorial weekend - Snow, Rain, Sunshine.

 

Mt. Nebo Scenic Loop
Just above 9,000 feet on Sunday afternoon.

 

The Grotto
A few thousand feet lower.



Big East Lake
Same Canyon. Thursday Evening.  Beautiful.



  The weather man says this weekend should be good.  Crossing my fingers.

Sunday Snippits

My son posted this on Facebook this evening:

"My mom is one of the best moms in this freaking world and you all should be jealous. My mom's got street smarts, computer smarts and all sorts of awesome smarts. But one must know these things if they are a single mom raising a teenage boy lol XD you rock mom and don't let anyone tell you other wise.

Love you like a fat kids loves good yummy cake."

***

Had dinner Saturday night with my Mom, Grandma, Aunt and Cousin to celebrate Mother's Day. The food was great but the company was better.  

***

 I hold grudges.  It it not healthy or attractive.  Those who (or it whom) I hold these grudges against probably have no clue or could not care less.  I really need to work on getting over somethings. 

It is particulary bad when I blurt out a HORRIBLE thought about the person and realize how terrible and pitiful I have become.  To make matters, this person may never know I said what I did, yet I feel so terrible about it that I feel an absurd need to apologize to the person.  I won't but I did apologize to those who heard what I said.

***

It is the start of a new week and I hope it is better than last.  Last week was filled with work worries, financial worries, digestive troubles, headaches, and weight gain.  All made worse because I ran out of my, "Calm the bleep down pills".  UPS should deliver my prescription tomorrow. I have to order certain prescriptions through mail or they will not be covered through my insurance.  I will share my thoughts about THAT another day.

*** 

This week I am going to work on:

My attitude.

Accepting the things I can not change and working to change that which I can.

Letting go of anger and resentment.

Losing  the weight I have gained over the past week.

Relaxing and enjoying the susnhine.

***

Hope everyone has a great week!

Wanted: Brain Bleach

My son has no filter!

Don't get me wrong, I LOVE that he thinks he can say anything to me.  BUT really?  Somethings I do not need to hear.

I won't repeat on here what he said but every time I see a particular commercial my mind goes back to our conversation and I need brain bleach. 

I didn't want to but I had to tell him that he needs a filter.  There are just some thoughts Mama doesn't need to hear.

Here Fishy Fishy...

The weekend  was more eventful than most.  It wasn't planned that way but I generally don't make too many plans for the weekends anyway. 

Friday evening I played farmer and planted my vegetables in pots.  I will post pictures when they start to grow a little larger.  This turned out to be a good thing.  The spot I had intended to use for my garden happens to be the dog's resting spot.  He can dig, he can lay down.  Hopefully he will stay away from my plants.

Prom was Saturday night and I allowed my son to take my car with him to his dad's house for the weekend making it easier for Austin to run his prom errands.  I walked the mile to the library and the gas station for a coke and headed home, intending to spend the afternoon curled up with a good book.  I sort of got sidetracked by the television and about the time I decided to pick out one of my books to read, my son and his friend pull up outside bearing groceries.

Apparently the dinner plans has changed and they were having dinner in our backyard.  While the boys scurried about to get everything set up, I drove the dog to my parents house for rest of the weekend.  An attention whore of a dog, prom dresses, tuxedos, and food did not seem to be a good mix. 

The kids had their dinner on the patio while my  "male friend" (who from this point forward will be identified by his initials JP) and I had dinner at a restaurant in town, followed by a long drive by Utah Lake.

When I arrived home, the kids had left me a lovely mess to clean up.  Between cleaning the kitchen and patio, and getting my fishing gear ready for Sunday, I didn't get to bed until after midnight.  This only left five and a half hours before I had to get up for a day of fishing.

JP picked me up at 6:35 am (ten minutes early) bearing breakfast and we headed off to pick up his friend and head into the mountains.

By 8:30 our poles were in the water.  While the lake was still pretty glassy, I managed to get a shot of the view from my camp chair.  The camera on my phone does not do it justice.

JP caught the first fish of the day. He was a teeny little bugger and was  released to be caught another day.   I caught the first "keeper".  He wasn't impressive but I was happy with myself.  It was also the only fish I managed to reel in. 



We obviously need to work on our fish photography skills.

Soon after I caught the "big one", a bunch of Pelicans flew in and shared the lake with us.  I do not know what the proper termsis for a group of Pelicans. They sort of drifted in and landed gracefully on the water, when they took off again you could hear the flapping of the wings. I think they are graceful. JP thinks they are ugly and awkward looking.  

We left the lake at six.  Relaxed and happy with a line full of fish.  After loading the car, JP turned the key  - dead battery.  With no other soul in site, we attempted to push start the car - no go.  Luckily, a family pulled up and had jumper cables.  A quick jump and we were on our way.

I love fishing with JP.  He isn't obsessed with catching the most fish or even the biggest fish.  He simply enjoys the day.  He is rarely in a hurry.  He is teaching me to improve my cast and when he helps me he isn't condescending.  Because of this, I ask for his opinion and I allow him to help me anytime he thinks I need a helping hand.  He doesn't realize how significant this is for someone as independent as myself. 

When I came home, Austin was here to greet me and put away my fishing gear  - it goes in the attic and I am not really fond of climbing up there.

It may have been a busy weekend but it was a great weekend.  I spent time with people I care about.  Saw my handsome son in his tuxedo and because I cleaned up the mess from his date, he promised to organize the Tupperware cupboard.

May - Already?

It's hard to believe that it is already May.  Where does the time go?  School will be out in 24 days, it seems like it just started.   On the up side of things, I will be able to plant my vegetables outside in the next week or so, weather permitting.  Right now my peas, tomatoes, cucumbers, and green peppers are in various containers around the house.

Today, I planted a few flowers...Just a couple pansies, geraniums, and verbena.  I am slowly making my small yard look inviting.


I bought this planter at Lowe's for $5. Had to get it.

I've had this planter for three years and never used it. 

I also mopped my floors, vacuumed, cleaned the bathrooms, and walked the dog.  All after work today.  I am rather pleased with my level of motivation today.  Tuesday seems to be my best day for getting things done. 

I treated myself to a new Nora Robert's book today, "The Last Boyfriend".  It is the second book in The Inn Boonsboro trilogy. 

I may have to splurge on a few more books this month.  There is a new one from Catherine Anderson and a Nora Roberts hardback "The Witness".  I will probably wait for this one to hit my library. 

I'm going to end my busy day with my new book and a warm bath in my sparkling clean bath tub.  It's my favorite thing to do after I scrub the bathroom.

A Strong Wind

It's a tad windy tonight.  As I have been sitting here, trying to catch up on blog land a strong gust blew something somewhere creating a house rattling thud. 

I called on the man of the house to check things out.  One of the pleasures of having a teenage boy around.  It was nothing in my small yard so I am assuming it was the neighbors.  I will rest easy.

Speaking of neighbors - I live in a townhouse nestled snugly between two others.  I had a thought the other night that just on the other side of my walls live two families that I do not know.  Two families with their own struggles, drama, joys, and hardships.  I been hearing an infant cry occasionally, when I have been in the downstairs bathroom. (For some reason that is the only room where I hear anything happening next door.) Today, the family was outside and I realized they had a baby sometime in the past month or so.  I have lived her for 5 months and never noticed she was pregnant though I see her everyday when the bus drops off her son. 

I try not to feel guilty for being less than neighborly.  Perhaps I should make an effort to get to know them.  First I need to get past them using the guest parking spot in front of my house as a personal space for their 3rd car. 

Something just slammed outside again.  I am going to assume it was a neighbors back door.  I will ignore it just like I ignore so many other sounds.  Instead I will listen to the wind through my open window and tap tap tap of the rain that has just started to fall. 

A Great Day and Clean Sheets

Yesterday was one of those rare days where everything works out better than expected.  It was even better because I was two steps away from giving up on someone and he almost redeemed himself.

Saturday evening when making conversation with my male friend about his plans for the evening which seemed to include me but only after taking care of a few other things, he stated: "There is not a ring on my finger."

Excuse me!  I value my own independence to feel as though I am encroaching upon someone else's.  He may have thought of it as a joke, I took it as him reminding me of my place in our relationship. 

Madder than an 'ole wet hen.  I hung up shortly after, took a shower, and cleaned the house.  Completely expecting the jack-wagon to not show up.  After all I didn't think I gave any indication that he was still welcome by my very cold goodbye. 

He showed up with a grin on his face as though the world was right as rain.  We went to my sister's house with very little conversation between us.  I then basically ignored him until I was ready to go home.  At the house, he asked why I was so quiet.  Because of his "ring on my finger" comment I decided it wouldn't matter what I had to say, so I chose to say nothing.  I got out of the car without accepting the usual hug and kiss, went to bed, and tried not to cry myself to sleep thinking that I shouldn't see him again.

I can rarely stick to something like that and after lying in bed for an hour yesterday morning debating the issue in my head,  I sent the man a text asking if he would like to do something.  He immediately called back and we decided on breakfast and then we would see after that but I should bring my guns and fishing gear.

My son and I met him at the IHOP for breakfast.  Afterwards, Austin took the car home to enjoy a parent free day, and my friend and I hit the road.

We ventured to Cabela's then down to Utah Lake for a few hours of fishing.  He caught a dozen or so White Bass to my measly two.  All released or given to the Hispanic families that were fishing near us.

Afterwards we went to McDonald's for a quick lunch and then up the canyon for a few hours of shooting.  The shooting was followed by a drive through the canyon and another where the people have ginormous houses and more money than sense.  Who needs a zillion square feet and an entire mountain side for one person?  Anyway, we found a trail and went for a hike, enjoying the wildlife and sunset. 

Neither of us brought up the night before.  We are great at avoidance.  Not entirely healthy but in a weird way it works. 

The only thing missing from the day was clean sheets.  After a day like yesterday, the best ending would have been to slip my tired, freshly showered, and sunburned body between fresh, clean sheets.  To make up for it, I changed them this morning.

I hear the sheets calling me now.

Good night!

Back In The Real World

I left the worries of the real world behind at approximately 3:30 last Friday afternoon.  I met my friend at his work and we headed to Moab, pulling a fifth-wheel and trailer loaded with 4-wheelers.  We were greeted by friends, cold beverages, and a roaring camp fire when we finally pulled into camp.  I watched as the men helped get the fifth-wheel situated, and then I went to bed.  I was a wee bit tired. 

Saturday was beautiful weather, though the breeze made it a little chilly.  We did NOTHING all day.  My friend was a little tired from a long week at work and I was more than willing to do nothing. 

After breakfast and an Easter Egg hunt for the kiddos, everyone but the two of us packed up and headed home.  I packed a few sandwiches and some water into the four-wheelers and my friend and I went for a nice ride.  We found this beautiful canyon where we sat and ate our lunch.

After lunch we headed to a place called "Area BFE" where a rock crawling competition was held the day before.  There were a few people out there in their supped up jeeps climbing the hills and rocks, so we sat and watched for awhile. 



Not the best picture but below the power lines there were a couple of jeeps crawling up the rocks.

 Monday morning we cleaned up, hooked up the fifth-wheel and four-wheeler trailer and had everything ready to go before we went for another ride.  We didn't have much time as the real world was screeching towards us but we took an hour to enjoy the scenery.

After 3 nights of perfect sleep and 2 1/2 worry free days, I was back in the real world at 3:30 on Monday afternoon. 

Growing Pains

Lately my son and I seem to be butting heads on a daily basis.  I know a lot of it stems from his becoming a man and mom still wanting to be a mommy.  It is hard to cut the apron strings especially when no one else is tied to them.

This evening my son came up to me in the kitchen looking very serious and said he had a few things he wanted to talk to me about.   I was a little concerned.

He went on to tell me that in his Adult Roles and Responsibilities class they were discussing communication and he felt that he and I needed to "communicate" about a few things. 

Very calmly, he asked that I not interrupt him while he told me about his concerns about our relationship. Primarily the way  I "mother" him to death.  At least that was my interpretation, not his actual words. 

I was a little stunned.  A little offended. A little proud that he took the initiative to tell me what he was feeling.  When I could speak again, I came back with what I think were some pretty sound responses.

After addressing his concerns, I went on to tell him about a few things that are bothering me.  Basically his lack of initiative in looking for a job and a few other activities involving school.  When I mention he put in an application somewhere it is like WW3 is about to erupt in the living room. 

I am not sure he liked what I had to say but if he wanted us to be honest with each other, I was going to be honest.

And honestly the whole thing has me questioning my parenting skills or lack thereof. Whether or not I do more harm than good.  It is all so confusing.  I know there are no perfect parents, just parents trying to raise their kids the best they can. 

I know my apron stings are a little tight and I need to loosen them up, after all he will be 18 in September -  I think my heart skipped a few beats at the reminder.  Any suggestions on letting go and dealing with growing pains?

BTW - apparently he is planning on having a similar chat with his father.  Quite frankly, I am a little concerned about the fall out. 

Blog Block

I have a huge blog block in my head that has kept me from blogging lately.  I have thoughts that I want to blog about but when I get around to writing them down the words don't come.   Not to worry though, there have been no significant events I have failed to mention.  A little of the same old stuff and a few days of fightng with Comcast.  I miss my old local cable and internet provider. 

I did get a haircut.  I was tired of the old style and needed something a little different.  It feels and looks so much better.

I am looking forward to a small vacation next weekend.  My friend  has invited me to go camping in Moab.  I have never been there before and am looking forward to a few care free days.  The only thing I really need to worry about is what to pack.  My son had already planned to spend Easter at his Dad's house.  And though Easter falls on my Mom's birthday this year, she has told me to go and have fun.  Later this week, I will take her birthday present to her.  I just finished it this morning and can hardly wait to give it to her.  I think I need to make one for myself.

This bag was made using the pattern written and provided by http://www.etsy.com/shop/natyo2010
Have a great week.

Monday- All Day

I hope today was not an example of what I can expect for the rest of the week.

6:30 am - Upset stomach and bowing to the porcelain god.

11:00 am - Phone rings. "Mom. The car won't start.  I think the battery is dead."

11:45 am - Unsuccessful attempt to jump start the car.

11:55 am - Phone call to male friend: "Help" and then I started to cry.

Noon: Fix a piece of toast to help settle stomach.  Feels like swallowing razor blades.

12:30 ish - Male friend shows up.  More tears.  Jump starts the car.  We take battery to Autozone for a warranty swap.  Finally good news.

2:00 pm: Struggle to download music from iTunes for male friend.

3:00 pm: Finally get music downloaded.

3:10 pm: Check e-mail for work.  Discover I am missing all of my e-mail for the last two weeks.

4:00 pm: Male friend leaves. Spend an hour finding lost e-mail.  Try to drink a coke but throat is too sore from bowing to the porcelain god this morning.

5:30 pm: Struggle to eat chicken and noodles for dinner.  Feels like swallowing razor blades.

6:58 pm: Sitting on couch with redneck footrest (upside down laundry basket) hoping new Monday night shows will make me laugh.



If you can't say anything...

I have been trying to go by the adage of "if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all".  In my case I need to change the nice to "positive".  Last week was one of the longest weeks I've had in a long time.  I was emotional, angry, bitchy, and a little put out. The weekend was interrupted one too many times by work and so this week I have been taking it easy.  Just working, reading, and a little crafting. 

Now I am starting to feel a little more like myself.  I colored my hair tonight (from a box).  It looks okay.  Gave me feet a little soak and scrub and am waiting for the fuchsia polish to dry on my toenails. 

This morning I bought tickets to a Spaghetti Dinner to support my nephew's scout troop, donated an afghan for the troop to sell at the dinner, and spent an hour or two catching up with my sister-in-law.  My brother is one lucky man.  Thankfully he realizes it.

I have had a bad case of spring fever or cabin fever whatever you want to call it.  I am almost happy that we may get some rain this weekend.  Then I can stop thinking about what I can't be doing in my postage stamp sized yard right now.

I've tried catching up on blogs that I've missed reading lately but my attention span is a little off right now. I'll get it back. 

Fuchsia polish is ready for another coat now. Have a great rest of the week.

Mayhem

I could no longer  handle the smell of my dog  so I finally caved and gave him a bath.      

Indy in the bath looks nothing like this.

It is mayhem...

My bathroom ends up looking something like this...



And I end up looking like this...

And smelling like wet dog and dog farts.

But Indiana Jones looks like this...

Pretty and clean..if you can get past the bad photography.

I need to find a Dog Wash!

Oil and Water

I am to a motor vehicle as oil is to water.  We do not mix.

Yesterday afternoon, I get in the car for a trip to the grocery store.  I turn the key and nothing happens.  Nothing! No radio.  No dashlights.  Nada.  Nothing.

My son decided to disconnect the battery cable and reconnect. 

The car started right up. 

Everything my son is learning about cars comes from his mother's oil and water syndrome.

This morning I attempted to make a run to the gas station for some caffeinated, bubbly goodness. 

 The car wouldn't start. 

This time I had lights, radio, etc but there was just a clicking sound instead of the engine starting.

 I tried the battery thing - just in case. It didn't work.

I looked through my Haynes manual to make sure it wasn't something other than a dying battery - which I bought 7 months ago. 

 I called my sister to come over and give me a jump start.

  The car started and all was right with the world until she said, "Is your tire flat?" 

Sure enough my right rear tire was incredibly low.  Thankfully, I was able to head to the gas station for air. 

 It was free.  I hate paying for air.

So now I need a new battery and a new tire(s).

The positives - and I hope I don't jinx myself here:

- The car started after being jumped.  No major (costly) mechanical failures.

- I have cans of caffeinated, bubbly goodness in the refrigerator. 

- I spent time outdoors while trying to get the car started.

- We had a little snow today, should have a little more Wednesday night. I like snow.

Where have I been?

I spent Monday through Thursday of last week in Washington state - just north of Seattle.  My friend Shae lives there and it is always a fun time when we can get together.  We do our crafty things, shop, wine tastings, and talk, talk, talk.  She was in Utah for a few days so I rode back to Washington with her and flew home.   It's probably a good thing that we had the car to ourselves on the drive.  I don't think our conversation let up once.  It felt like the fastest 12 or 13 hour drive ever. 

While I was up in the Pacific Northwest, I had dinner with a guy I met through and online dating site.  He lives part time here in Utah but has his business in Washington.  It wasn't a disaster.  It wasn't wonderful.  It was nice.  There was no pressure because neither of us are looking for a relationship.  We decided we would make good friends.  I am no longer on the online dating site though and he is the only person I met.  Online dating is not for me.

I loved my visit but was happy to get home to my son.  I think he missed me.  Lucky for me - and him - the house was pretty clean when I came home.  It's nice to be able to trust my son enough that he can stay home alone and I don't spend the entire time worrying.

Today I went back to work.   I was dreading signing into my computer and checking my e-mail so I put it off as long as I could.  After wading through the 200 plus e-mail that was waiting for me, I realized it wasn't as bad as I thought.  Had a meeting with my boss and will be getting a small raise in July.  It should be just enough to make up for the higher cost of my insurance premium each month.  Woo hoo!

I am now watching the rain delayed Daytona 500.  There was a big wreck on the second lap and I doubt it will be the only one.  We aren't even halfway yet.  In case I haven't said it be for:  I love NASCAR.

And it's on...

Just finished watching the first NASCAR race of the year.  Not an official points race.  That will be the Daytona 500 next week.  Tonight, it was the Budweiser Shootout.  It was only a 75 lap race but what a race it was: 4 big wrecks, Jeff Gordon sliding down the track on the driver side then barrel rolling to land upside down, and finally a last second pass by Kyle Busch for the win. 

I am not a Kyle Busch fan.  I have a hat with his name and number on it but only because it is black and pink, with the cute green M&M chick on it.  Back to the point, I am not a fan of his; however, I wasn't impressed with the fans who booed him when he got out of his car.  I am not a fan of booing.  I am sure I have done it a time or two....but still not a proponent.

The driver I picked to win the Daytona 500 didn't do too badly in tonight's race.  Hopefully, he will do well next week for me. Just for me.  I am sure he knows who I am and that I have faith in his ability to win at Daytona.  Yep, it is all about me. 

Now that the race is over, I need to finish packing.  I always wait until the last minute. If I don't, it takes me twice as long because I think about it too much.  If I don't have a ton of time to think about it, I do much better.  Sometimes procrastination can be a good thing.  Although I think I need to run to the store for toothpaste.  If I hadn't procrastinated, I wouldn't have to run a late night errand.  A double edged sword.

Have a great Sunday!

Planning?!?!

I learned WAY to much about trusts, wills,  living will, financial power of attorney, and advanced medical directives today.    I have none of the above.  I need all of the above.  It costs a lot to have an attorney create all of the above. 

Oddly enough I am not overly worried about most of these things.   I only have one child, and he is the beneficiary on all of my life insurance, etc.  THAT is what worries me.  Not because I don't trust my son but because he is a minor.  I asked an estate planning attorney what would happen to these things if I pass away before my son becomes a legal adult.  It turns out that his new legal guardian would have control over those assets.  His legal guardian would be my ex-husband.  You read that right...my ex-husband.

As soon as my computer booted up, I logged onto my employer's HR site and sent an e-mail to find out if I can get my beneficiary changed for the life insurance, pension, etc that I have through them. I then logged into my investment accounts and changed all of those. 

I know this doesn't give me the same control as a will or trust but until I get those cared for this will have to do.  At least I will know that if something happens to me sooner rather than later, my ex will have no control over anything.  That at least leaves me with some piece of mind.  I have no doubts that the person  I designated will take care of these things responsibly and as I wish.

Soon I will take care of my financial power of attorney, living will, and advanced medical directives.  It has always been in the back of my mind that being single, there is not another adult who knows my finances or what to do in case I am incapacitated.  I guess I just assumed my parents could handle my affairs.  I am learning that it is best not to assume. 

If I think about it too much it makes my head spin, gives me a headache, and I start to worry.  I mean really, really worry.  Especially because I am traveling next week.  I always worry more about these things when I travel.  

But I am not going to worry anymore tonight. I already took care of one thing. Now  I am going to watch Alcatraz On-Demand and relax. 

Valentine Surprise

Someone was thinking of me on Valentine's Day!

A handsome man knocked on my door at 10 am. 

He brought chocolate.

I ate one..

He visited with me while I was working.

He took me to lunch.

I can't remember the last time a man brought me something on Valentine's Day.

I am happy.

Someone was thinking about me today.

Feeling Crafty

It snowed Sunday.  Finally the weather felt more like February than April.  It was  perfect day to spend indoors and try to get over my icky cold. Austin helped with the laundry while I sat on the sofa with yarn and hook, and watched a Firefly marathon on the Science Channel. 

Austin was being  a little more helpful than normal because I was making him an Angry Birds hat.



Then I made some Star coasters.




And this is a purse I finished last weekend.



Other than being a little sick still it was pretty good and productive weekend.  Too bad it is over now but I only have 3 more workdays this week and all of next week off.   

I'm just a big baby...

Miss Cranky Pants has left the building - for the moment.  I feel to cruddy to be cranky.  Woke up with a sore throat yesterday which has only gotten worse today.  I went to the Doc today for a follow-up appointment for my heel.  Everything looks good.  But I had him check an ingrown toenail which led to the removal of said ingrown toenail.  The numbness wore off about a hour ago, now it just hurts.

I am kind of a baby when I don't feel well.  Between the sore toe and sore throat, I am really not feeling well.  Times like this I miss being a little kid. I miss having Mommy take care of the hurts.  Told ya...a big baby.  

I wonder if we ever get over wanting Mommy (or Daddy) to help heal our hurts.  I hope not.  I don't like to think there will come a day when my son doesn't need me or want my help.  Already I struggle with him becoming a man.  It baffles me that he will be 18 in a mere 8 months.  It seems like yesterday that he was just 18 months old. 

Tonight he is at the movie.  None of his friends could go with him so he went by himself.  I like that he doesn't depend on other people and will go do what he wants to do by himself.  I offered to suck it up and go with him.  He would rather go alone than be seen at the movie theater on a Friday night with his Mom.  I can't say that I blame him.  It just makes my heart a little sore. 

I'm not sure where I was going with this post but I better stop before I get too mired in the depths of self pity. 

I hope everyone has an enjoyable weekend.  I am going to curl up on the couch and hope the rest will make my aches go away.

200

Yay! Post 200!. 

 Too bad I don't have something fabulous to blog about just some Random Ramblings.

My work day started horribly.  But the dog and I went for a walk to "blow the stink off" as Jo would say.  The rest of the day has been slightly better.

I haven't been in a very good mood lately.  In fact, you could call me Miss. Cranky Pants and it wouldn't be far off the mark.  I am cranky about work, taxes, politics, work, and a bunch of other stuff.  Any advice for getting rid of the cranky - ness?

In the past few weeks,  I have cut down on my Coke addiction. I even went an entire week without the cold, brown, bubbly goodness.  I lost a few pounds.  Now I have fallen off the wagon.  I thought the lack of caffeine was the cause my cranky-ness but I am back on the bubbles and still cranky.

I think I need a vacation.  I thought about going to Washington for a week.  It is being nixed.  I was going to go to a baseball tournament in southern Utah in March.  It is being nixed.  Why? Because I need to come up with money to pay taxes. 

I hate taxes.  The system is flawed.  'Nuff said...I could rant all day.  

On a more positive note...I am making a purse from a pattern I found on Pinterest.  It is almost done and will be way cute.

I also decorated a little bit for Valentine's day.  I usually don't. Not my favorite holiday. But I did this year.  See the cute garland I made for my railing.

And finally - NASCAR starts again soon.  The Budweiser Shootout is on the 18th and the Daytona 500 is on the 26th.  I would love to head to Vegas again for the race in March but ....maybe another year.  I am still excited.  I love me some stock car racing.

Sharing A Classic

Last Saturday, I introduced my niece Lexi to Lucy Maud Montgomery's classic Anne of Green Gables.  Growing up, this was one of my favorite books.  The first porcelain doll my Grandmother made for me is Anne of Green Gables.  Whenever I see the movie version on television, I hunker down on the couch and ignore whatever else needs to be done. 

When I showed Lexi the book I thought she would shrug her shoulders the way she does and want to run off to play.  Instead, after explaining a little bit about what Anne is like, Lexie sat in the chair with me and together we read the first chapter.  I would have kept going but my sisters and I had a movie to see.  As we read she kept asking where I was on the page, because she was following along and kept getting lost.  When I would stumble or lose my place, she would point out exactly where I was.  I told her that if she really likes the book, then she and I will have a girls only sleep-over and will watch the movie. 

Earlier this week my sister sent me a text, "Lexi loves that book.  She says we have to read two chapters every night."

I spoke to Lexi on the phone today and she stated  that she was only on chapter eight because she didn't read last night or the night before but she really likes the story.  When I asked if she was reading it or if her mom was reading it to her, she told me they were reading it together.  Her mom picks up when Lexi gets tired.  I might have to include my sister in the sleep over.

I am so happy that she is enjoying the book and is looking forward to having a sleep over with Aunt Amy.  I hope this book introduces her to the joys of reading and she continues to find more books she enjoys.

Not having a daughter of my own, I enjoy sharing my more girly interests with my two nieces.  Sissy is my crochet buddy and now Lexi can be my reading buddy. 

Now I really must clean my house but I am thinking I should head to the library and find the rest of the Anne series to enjoy after the housework is finished.

Happy

What made me happy today?

1- Having my son paged at Wal-Mart:

"Austin _____ please meet your mother in the Valentine's Section. "

Finding out that three of his friends were in the store at the same time.

Incoming text:

"Hey. :) :) You're mom just had you paged to meet her at the Valentines. :) "

Being a Mom is awesome!

2- Two daisys. One stem.

3- Budweiser "Lamb Streaker"

4- A new book

Catherine Anderson is one of my favorite authors.

5- The bubble bath I am slipping into, with my new book as soon as I get off the computer.

I will not log on to Pinterest. I will not log on to Pinterest.  I will not log on to...Just thought of something I need to pin.

6 - Crochet patterns on Pinterest. 

Worm Boy

The year was 2001, I had ventured into the world of online dating with little to no success. A man started e-mailing me through the dating site. He lived in Colorado and claimed to be a ski instructor. I was slightly interested. There wasn’t a picture with his profile on the dating site. I didn’t think it would matter, after all the possibility of meeting this man in real life was slim to none.

In the real world, my friend Shae and I decided on a whim to drive from Utah to Dallas, Texas to visit a friend. Our drive would take us through Colorado Springs. She had met someone on the dating site who lived in there and wanted to meet him. I decided to take the opportunity to meet my ski instructor friend.

Shae’s date showed up first. He was a nice looking man. Friendly. Polite. They seemed to hit it off well. Then my date showed up. He drove a beat up Suzuki something or other. He was quite a few inches shorter than I and his jeans were quite a few inches shorter than his legs. His large rimmed glasses rested on his apple like cheeks. To this day he is known as”the guy that looked like the worm coming out of the apple”. Shae, bless her heart, tried to hide her laughter, and was shaking her head “No”. I was mortified.

We walked into Applebee’s - a fitting place for dinner with worm boy – and sat down for dinner. Around this point, I was rudely abandoned by Shae and her date. Left to deal with the dating disaster on my own, I somehow made it through a dinner of less than appetizing conversation with a less than pleasing view across the table.

I tried to be polite. It worked too well. He wanted to spend more time with me before I left in the morning. I lied. I told him I needed to meet Shae. That she would be worried about me. He left. I never spoke to him again. I don’t remember his name. He is “worm boy” or “the guy that looked like the worm coming out of the apple”. The only good thing to come out of the meeting was the laughter Shae and I still share when we remember that meeting.

Thankfully the rest of the Texas trip turned out much better than my meeting with “worm boy”. I stayed out of the online dating pool for awhile afterwards. Occasionally, I will dip my toes back into the water. In the pool, I have met “GPS man” and “boat boy”. They were both terrible dates that I may share at another time.

I am dipping my toes back into that pool again with a lot of reservations and doubt. IF I meet someone, I hope it is not another Worm Boy, GPS Man, or Boat Boy. I will let you know.

I tripped...

When Scott Pelley on the CBS Evening news said the captain of the sinking cruise ship used the excuse of "I tripped and fell into a lifeboat" or something like, I had to laugh.  As excuses go that one has got to be the lamest.  Couple the lame excuse with the conversation he had with the coast guard and I just nod my head.  Some people.  From now on when I do something really stupid I think I should use the excuse "I tripped and fell into a lifeboat." 

I spent some time with my Grandma yesterday.  Hit the Wal-mart, picked up some lunch, and helped her with a few things.  I kind of miss being with Grandma and unfortunately I don't get up to see her as often as I should.  I think the assisted living facility has been good for her.  She seems to move around a little easier.  Walks a little better.  I am sure it is because she has to be more mobile.  At meal times she has to walk down the hall, up the elevator, then down another hall.  It is the same for most of the activities as well.  I hate to say that when I was living with her, she spent way too much time in her chair.  She seems happy and well for which I am very grateful.

I never thought I would say this but my foot has become accustomed to long ice water soaks. I barely flinch when my foot hits the water.  Since I have been to the doctor, I no longer walk around like a crippled old woman.  I am enjoying pain free feet for the first time in almost a year.

Have you ever read a book that is so poorly written that you question why the heck it was published?  I am slogging through a book that has so many inconsistencies and character head hopping that I find myself going back to see if I missed something.  For example:  a conversation starts in the house, the dialogue, and character thoughts are continuous, then all of a sudden they are in the car.  When did they leave the house and get into the car?  Why didn't the conversation ever stop while they were getting settled into the car?  Seriously, I re-read the page 3 times to find out what I missed.  I didn't miss anything.  I don't know while I am still reading the book.  I suppose I am hoping the author will redeem herself.  I am losing hope.

I suppose I should do something productive...Pinterest here I come.

Monday Mutterings

I didn't ice my feet today.  Bad girl. Warm feet.

I visited the website of one of the schools my son thinks he wants to attend.  I was fine until I looked at the student housing section.  I started to panic and logged off.  I need more time.  He in only a junior.  I don't need to stress too much right now.  Do not tell me otherwise. Please.

I am annoyed that news outlets and some stores are calling Martin Luther King Day MLK DAY.  What is the reason?  Is it easier to tweet, text, facebook MLK instead of Martin Luther King?  Whatever it is, I think it is a little disrespectful.  I wouldn't like people calling my birthday AHP day.

I am happy that is snowed today.  We have a few inches and I love it.  I'm sorry for you that don't enjoy the white stuff.  It won't last long.

Since I work at home and it gets awfully quiet, I turn on the History Channel and listen.  This morning they did a show about the Tuskegee Airmen.  I am ashamed at how these men were treated after coming home from the war.  They were hero's just the same as other pilots yet German prisoners of war were treated with more dignity and respect. 

I bought a Shake Weight.  It makes my body jiggle and my arms hurt.  Maybe it will work.  Right now my son is playing with it and looks a little like an uncoordinated chicken.  I guess you have to be here for that to make sense - or just use your imagination.

I finished Janet Evanovich's "Wicked Appetite" today.  It is a fun read.  Not too serious. Her books are a great way to escape from reality and laugh a little. That is about as much as a review as I can give right now.  My thoughts are a little random.  Can you tell?

Will head off to bed now and read myself to sleep with a new book.